Sam Delaney fears the hip-hop 'tsunami' that is K-Fed

"Who told this bastard he can't rap?" demands Kevin Federline in his latest musical release. Inevitably, he's referring to himself in the third person. "I've got 50 mill, I can do whatever I want!" he concludes. It's a sad indictment of America's heralded constitutional system, but he's probably right. K-Fed really is above the law. At least he doesn't seem subject to the parameters that govern most people's lives.

He married Britney Spears, one of the world's most sought after women, and successfully cultivated an existence that appeared to consist of lying around her mansion getting high and occasionally ratting on her without ever having to face the consequences. Despite his proud assertion that he's "got 50 mill" (money that he couldn't possibly have accumulated through his work as a back-up dancer in pop videos) he is indignant at the suggestion that he's a kept man. And just to put paid to those accusations once and for all, he has launched his own music career as K-Fed the gangsta rapper, and is in negotiations to sign a deal with Britney's own label, Jive Records. Great!

Late last year, his website hinted at an impending power shift in the world of hip-hop. "2006... I'm coming!" he promised. Jay Z and Kanye doubtlessly pissed their pants with fear. Numerous ambitious claims were made by K-Fed over the following months. "My album is sure to set dancefloors across the world on fire!" he proclaimed. "There will be initial shock and awe." It was about as convincing as a stone head telling you about the formula one sports car they were planning to build from scratch in their mum's back garden. Eventually, he had to put his money where his mouth was and released a track online. It was called PopoZao (meaning "Nice Ass"), was sung largely in Portuguese and was described by one website as being "barely coherent mumbling over the demo key on a Casio keyboard." Which was pretty fair.
Now there's an album on its way called Playing With Fire. His producer, Disco D, says, "Kevin doesn't even write anything down. He just goes in straight and freestyles." You can tell. In America's Most Hated, the fledgling rhyme artist spits: "You're gonna need a big army if you're coming for me, I'm Kevin Federline, coming like a tsunami." He also claims to be "So high, I could probably drop a **** and fly." I don't quite know what this means but I'm sure you'll agree it paints an engaging mental image.

Anyway, the important thing for K-Fed is that he is taken seriously as an artist. That way he'll no longer be accused of loving Britney just for her money. "What you hear about in all those bull**** ass magazines is bull****," he explains.

source: The Guardian

Most of all, he hopes songs like Nice Ass and America's Most Hated might one day stop the international media conspiracy from using him as their stooge. "The same day Dick Cheney shoots someone they've got me on the cover of MSN!" he protests. "It's like they're diverting attention from what's really going on!"